Thoughts

This blog post was not planned, but I was reading through a friends blog and I loved a lot of what she said so much, that I am stealing it. I don't think she will mind. : )

"You do not know your strength until it's tested. You do not know the capacity of love until it's tried. You do not know how you will respond in a crisis, or how it will feel until you are there. You do not know who really cares until you are alone."

"In some ways I feel that every morning I wake up, I step onto a battlefield of choices. You may say that sounds dramatic or depressing. It is neither. It is reality. I choose to focus on the positive things in my life, the bright moments. I believe it would be easy to look around and list off all the suffering, there is so much, but I want to look around and take note of all the miracles. I want to stop and stare at my children and take in the moment and have it forever. I want to rest my body on the soft cool grass and watch the stars. I want to have the strength to lift another and avoid the next opportunity to judge them."

If my friend is reading this I want to say thank you, for your blog I know you wrote it a few months ago but it was really great for me to read it today. The next bit of my blog is going to be some random snippets that make sense to me and some of them will make sense to others and maybe some day, whether in this post or not, some of what I say will help someone else. For my sake I think I am going to put dividers between my thoughts.

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When I think of the promise that Heavenly Father will not give you more than you can bear it makes me wish I was weaker....but there would be no point to that because if I was weaker he would still push me to my breaking point and I would still struggle just as much, in a different way.

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I don't understand why some people feel the need or right to be rude to others. When has it ever been socially acceptable to jump down a waitresses throat when they make a meal suggestion? Not sure. At least he felt bad enough after making me cry and me giving the table to someone else to give me $5 anyway.....I really do hope his day got better even though he made mine worse. In the end I let it go. He felt bad and tried to reconcile and my friend at work did a great job serving him the rest of the night and I had awesome tables tonight so that was great!

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I am really grateful for girlfriends. The first being my mom, wow, not sure what I would do in life without this woman. The picture below says so much to me. Nothing will ever put that into words how much my mom means to me, so I think I will leave it at that.

The second girlfriend I am grateful for will be moving to my city in less than a week!!!! A WEEK!!!!! Yep, after a year and monthish of not seeing each other in real life (grateful for skype) we will be within a reasonable driving distance and hopefully soon after that in the same apartment complex!!! This friend and I have dreamed, hoped and prayed for this day for quite a while and the really cool thing is our husbands are best buds too. It is going to be great! AND friend #2 if you are reading this, we need to get a picture together when I see you NEXT WEEK!!

The third girl I am grateful for tonight is a new found friend who will be leaving around my birthday, which makes me sad. Me moving or others moving away stinks, it has happened quite a lot to me. Sometimes it is hard for me to be a friend when I know it has an end date, but this where my mom comes into play. My mom has this amazing gift of making friendships that seem to last FOREVER!!! She has one friend that she has had since she was 11 and then like 6-8 others that she has been great friends with for over 10-20 years! She is able to stay friends and pick up right where she left off with these women all the time. It is such an example to me of how friendships can last through moves. Anyway I have already learned a lot from this new girl, she trained me at work but even more than that she is ALWAYS happy, something that a lot of people used to say to describe me and I hate having to say 'used to' because lately I have been too stressed and too tired to be that "Wow she is contagiously happy" person...and I want to get there again. I need to get a picture with girl #3 before she leaves me for another state.

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"You do not know who really cares until you are alone."

So many things came to mind when I read that. First was this man:

He is not a big fan of this picture but I really like it, I think it shows some of my favorite parts of his personality. I guess because I know him the way I do this picture shows more than just his "fine I will smile for the camera.....again...." face. This man cares so much for me and does so much for me. I cannot describe how happy I am that I have been married to him for ALL eternity! He ticks me off sometimes and gets on my nerves but I cannot think of any person I could spend 24/7 with and not get occasionally frustrated of. lol AND I drive him nuts too! I did not know how amazing, funny, spiritual, hard working, thoughtful, and loving this man was when I agreed to marry him almost 5 years ago. I knew he would be a great father but I didn't know how great.

This picture is not one I have shared outside of close family, but tonight I decided to share it. This was taken during labor when I was dilated to an 8.5 and was only about an hour away from seeing our son. I had no medication during child birth. When I need Brandon he is there for me 150%, and not just when it is as intense as child birth. He is there for me when I need him no matter what struggle I am going through.

I have realized that I barely knew him at all when he proposed and we got married, but I am SO grateful that we were crazy enough to do it.

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Sometimes living up to the standards and beliefs I have is hard, tiring and there are days when I want to give up. There is no way I am going to be perfect in this life and having a goal that I know I cannot reach is daunting and I wonder: why try? But the truth is I have to try because I know it is true. How do I know? I prayed years ago and felt the Holy Ghost's simple answer that it is and that helps me know that trying really hard is enough.

It is amazing to me that this all started with a 14 year old boy who prayed in a grove of trees in New York. Many people think he made up the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or that he wrote The Book of Mormon and then was killed for his beliefs....I love what Elder Holland says about that, and if you haven't heard it at all or it has been a while you should watch the video below:

I will admit have doubted the truthfulness of the church, in my weak moments when I have a hard time fathoming the atonement and whether it can save me, and I cant imagine the eternal aspects of the plan and of life....and I just feel like giving up, I think of Joseph Smith and his testimony of the Book of Mormon and how he was killed defending it, all of my beliefs go back to that book and I have had my own witness that it is true and I cannot deny it. I know that Christ lived and died for me. I cannot fathom it, and I sometimes wonder what makes me worth all of that suffering but I am so grateful for him. I am thankful for the Priesthood and to have that power and authority in my home and to have grown up where I could (and still can) get blessings of healing and of comfort and strength and to see that power used to help our son. In all the times when I think I am alone or when I might be looked over, I still know that I have a Heavenly Father who is mindful of me and a Savior who has suffered all I have suffered and more. I am grateful for that knowledge and for the amazing peace and healing it brings.

Precious In His Sight by Greg Olsen

Forgiven by Greg Olsen

These two pictures are two of my favorites by Greg Olsen. I can relate to both of them and I love how this artist depicts the Savior.

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If you have actually read all of this then you are probably really bored. It has been nice just to sit and think about things I am grateful for and my friendships and my testimony.